


Regrets

by SevenCorvus



Series: Avengers 50 Prompt Table [23]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Character Study, F/M, Gen, Het, Natasha Feels, One Shot, Prompt Fic, Regrets, gen - Freeform, or - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-24
Updated: 2012-12-24
Packaged: 2017-11-22 05:33:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/606346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SevenCorvus/pseuds/SevenCorvus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha knew what it meant to have regrets, to have done things you could never forgive yourself, things you could never, no matter how you tried, make up for. Regrets that were in some ways even worse for the fact, that the person who had done those actions, was not really you. </p><p>Prompt: regrets<br/>Characters: Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of my NaNoWriMo project, and for the prompt "regrets" on the [Avengers 50 Prompt Table](http://sevencorvus.livejournal.com/24907.html). Each of my prompt fills will be covering a different character combination and most can be read as gen or romantic, I leave it up to you to decide. I will be posting a fic a day for the rest of this month (at least). Feedback is love and will be rewarded with cookies (and smut).

Natasha knew what it meant to have regrets, to have done things you could never forgive yourself, things you could never, no matter how you tried, make up for. Regrets that were in some ways even worse for the fact, that the person who had done those actions, was not really you. She knew what it was like to have regrets, what it was like to have to live with the weight of them. She knew Banner knew it just as well. 

The Black Widow could see it in him, see the ledger dripping in green as hers dripped red. See the need to punish himself, to atone, to keep himself isolated. They were very alike in that way. They denied that they needed human connections, denied that they wanted it, and tried to keep people at a distance, tried to keep themselves safe, keep people from seeing too deeply into them. Yet, no matter how they snarled or roared, others were not deterred.

No matter what she said or did, Clint kept reaching his hand out to her in friendship, determined to try, even if it was slapped down. He never seemed to give up on her, anymore than Coulson, or Fury. They were the first to ever see her as a person, not just an asset, the first to try to convince her of such. Stark seemed determined to reach Banner the same way, to make him see himself as more than the monster, more than the rage simmering under his skin. 

Natasha kept her distance, observed how the others reached out, following Stark's lead. Trying to connect with Banner and make him feel more welcome. She stayed strictly professional around him, not wanting to bring up memories of the Helicarrier, not wanting to be another of his regrets. He carried enough of them; he did not need that as well. She could have reached out as Stark had done, as Clint had done for her, but what could she say. She had no great words of wisdom, and little tolerance for empty platitudes. What was done was done, and can not be undone. 

Maybe she could tell him it was best not to dwell, not to think about the past too hard, or you would barely be able to breathe through the force of it. Or that you could not atone, could not wipe the slate clean, not really, but you could still devote yourself to doing better, to being better. Or that the best way to move on, was to live in the moment, enjoy what you had while you had it, and try not to borrow too much trouble for the future. Maybe she could tell him that sharing your regrets with someone, did not make them better, did not make them go away, but did help, in its own way. 

Maybe she could tell him many things, but Natasha doubted she ever would. Banner was not her, and she was not Clint. Clint might have had the courage and the strength to reach out, to keep fighting for her, even against her; but she did not. In the end, when it came to dealing with people, she had always been more of a coward. It was just another of her regrets.


End file.
